My Grandfather's Cock

Words: Crag Goodleach and Donal MacRorie
Tune: My Grandfather's Clock
Source: Standing Song Stone Book

My grandfather's cock was too long for his kilt
So it hung seven feet to the floor,
It was longer by half than the old man himself
Though it weighed not a pennyweight more.
It was hard on the morn of the day that he was born
And was always his main pride and joy,
It would rise up, ready to go again
For the old man's next ride.

Ninety years of steady hammering
Tap, tap, tap, tap,
Its life set to battering
Wham, bam, thank-you-ma'am,
It stopped short, never to come again
When the old man died.

In watching its pendulum swing to and fro
Many hours had he spent as a boy,
And in childhood and manhood the cock seemed to know
And to share both his lust and his joy,
For it struck twenty-four when he entered the door
With a blooming and beautiful bride,
Yes it rose up, and up and up and up
In his swooning bride.

Seven maids every day at four
Slap -crack, slap -crack,
The ladies always begged for more
Slap -crack, slap -crack,
'Twould rise up, ready to go again
For the old man's next ride.

My grandfather said his willy, when in bed
Could break down the lock on any door
It was ever in use from the days of his youth
There was never a lock-pick used more.
His one loss in bed was he never could get head
For reasons plain enough to see,
So it stood tall, always ready to ball
And another pretty filly he would stride.

The ladies all letched after him
Shiver, shiver, quiver, quiver,
And he did his best to honor them
Slither, slither, deep within her
Till it shot forth the essence of the man
And made another laddie for the clan.

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