The Limerick Song

Chorus Tune: Cielito Lindo chorus
Source: Standing Song Stone Book

Ay, ay, ay, ay,
In China they do it with chile*
So sing me another verse
That's worse than the other verse,
And waltz me around again, Willy.

*alternate lines:
Your mother, she swims after troopships (longships)
The troopships rejected your mother
Your grandma licks batshit off cave walls
Your sister solicits in kennels
It takes leather balls to play rugby
Your cousin gives blowjobs to camels
Your sister does squat-thrusts on fire hydrants

alternate chorus:
Ay, ay, ay, ay,
Rodriguez is a Mexican pervert.
He'll ream out your mother
And bugger your brother
And waltz you around by your willie.
v In between choruses fill in with limericks (such as those on the following pages). [below]

A wanton young lady of Wimbly
Reproved for acting not quite primly
Answered, "Heavens above,
I know sex isn't love,
But it's such an attractive facsimile."

There was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time.
When asked, "Why a third?"
He answered, "One's absurd,
And bigamy, sir, is a crime."

There was a young lass from Bryn Mawr
Who committed a dreadful faux pas;
She loosened a stay
On her decollete
Thus exposing her je ne sais quoi.

There was a young man from Racine
Who invented a fucking machine.
Concave and convex,
It could screw either sex
But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

A young lad, with passions quite gingery
Tore a hole in his sister's best lingerie.
He pinched her behind,
Then made up his mind
To add incest to insult and injury.

There was a young maiden from Siam
Who said to her love, young Khayyam,
"To seduce me, of course,
You will have to use force!
Thank goodness you're stronger than I am."

A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd just take a chance.
She let herself go
For an hour or so,
And now all her sisters are aunts.

A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what and with which and to whom.

There was a young plumber of Leigh
Was plumbing a maid by the sea.
Said the maid, "Cease your plumbing;
I think someone's coming."
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."
There was a young gal from Decatur
Who was raped by a large alligator
But nobody knew
How she savored that screw
'Cause after he raped her he ate her.

There was a young man from Kent
Whose prick was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
And instead of coming he went.

There was a young girl from Cape Cod
Who thought all good things came from God
It wasn't the almighty
Who lifter her nighty
'Twas Roger the Lodger, by God.

There was a young man from Dundee
Who fucked an ape in a tree
The results were most horrid
All ass and no forehead
Six balls and a purple goatee.

There was a young lady named Twilling
Who went to the dentist for fillings
But in his depravity
He filled the wrong cavity
Now Twilling is missing a filling.

There was a young boy named Herkin
Whose mother caught him jerkin his gherkin
"Hey, Herkin," she said,
"You're out of your head;
That gherkin's for ferkin, not jerkin."

There once was a girl named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
Her arse was in Buckingham Palace.

There was a young lady named Gloria,
Who was had by Sir Gerald Du Maurier,
And then by six men,
Sir Gerald again,
And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along,
And, unless we are wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.

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