Our Seneschal gives bad instructions;
The stupid things aren't worth a dime,
And IF we get back to Three Rivers,
He'll get the Plague Rat one more time.
Chorus:
Plague Rat, Plague Rat,
The Seneschal gets it again, again,
Plague Rat, Plague Rat,
The Seneschal gets it again.
We got lost at the Sylvan Vale tourney;
We got lost on our way to two Crowns;
We got lost on our Louisville journey;
Dear Stephen reads maps upside-down.
Chorus
He gets lost in his two by two bathroom
(There's an "EXIT" sign over the door.)
We've been meeting in SUPAC since Christmas,
But he still can't remember what floor.
Chorus
His ox-cart's a rolling disaster
With Kleenex all over the floor;
If you're lucky, the brakes are still working,
But don't try to open the door.
Chorus
His excuses are many and varied;
His lateness he always explains;
He leaves our group nervous and harried,
But the time and the place slipped his brain.
Chorus
At the tourney there was great elation,
For Stephen's opponent had won.
Steve dies at the least provocation;
One blow, and the battle is done.
Chorus
Oh, Steven's a natural leader,
I must admit: He has got guts.
He goes out to fight with a greatsword
With nothing to cover his...
Chorus
Dear Stephen's the bane of the creampuffs;
He stuffs them down with such great flair.
When chided about them, he rebuffs,
"It's alright; they're mostly air." (Eldoreth)
Chorus
Our Baron is known as a traitor
Who fights for the enemy south,
Whose loyalty's strictly proportionate
To the Lambrusco he puts in his mouth. (Morgana)
Chorus
The Meridies Master Sargent
And Zarina's champion, too.
Uncle Steve, don't you think it's amazing
What a little Lambrusco can do? (Morgana)
Chorus
For victory, just follow Stephen
As he leads you boldly to fray,
The leads your opponents against you
And treacherously runs away (Morgana)
Chorus
Baron Stephen got drunk at Crown Tourney,
And he offered to fight for the South;
So next time we give him the Plague Rat,
Let's stuff the damn thing in his mouth. (Brom)
Chorus
His shield is built by a lady,
For Stephen that's truly a thrill.
He lends out his sword in Crown Tourney,
And finds out it really CAN kill. (Atackqu'vix)
Chorus